New Eyes

(Read previous blog post before this one to catch up)

Eyes are fascinating to me.

Eyes can show what's in a person's soul and where their heart is. They tell stories, experiences, fears,  passions, faith, and understanding. It's fascinating to me that they have that power.

Lately, some of my scripture studies have focused on the concept of eyes. In fact, it was interesting how one Sunday after my studies, one of the main topics that sacrament meeting (the LDS church's main hour of worship service focused around the sacrament) was focused on how Christ teaches us to have our eyes open to what's there in front of us. The question was asked,

"What are our eyes open to, and what are they blind to?"

I think oftentimes it can be easy to think of this idea of keeping eyes open to what we could easily be blind to as a way to stay safe or look for red flags in any given situation. This is definitely applicable, but I think it can mean so much more. In the scriptures and in any uplifting story that someone shares, oftentimes there is a positive, new grand perspective that the person gains. They begin to see all the good that's in front of them that they were blind to. They better understand their world and the people around them, and how to be a positive influence so they can build where they are. They begin to see what is there in front of them that can help them reach their desired destination.

When I was "crowned" to be second attendant recently for Days of 47, I was more than thrilled for whatever was going to come, but I was not sure what to expect. When I were thrown into the work as we went around serving and speaking, I found it difficult to understand how to adjust to a slight change in lifestyle. Sometimes I didn't feel I fit in well wearing a sash and tiara wherever we went, with many eyes on us, meeting people wherever we went. I was grateful to be in this position but let's be honest--at times I would have felt more comfortable wearing Nikes and sweats and not having to worry about doing my hair. Sometimes it still feels weird wearing the crown, and in fact on my first day wearing it for a service project, the sun was bright and I kept thinking it was a pair of sunglasses on my head, to then realize I couldn't pull it down to block the sun from my eyes. 

With all this--feeling uncomfortable at times being the center of attention and trying to act princess-like when I in fact feel clumsy, I had to remind myself what the previous royalty taught us--it's not about us--it's about representing Jesus Christ and bringing people closer to Him wherever we go as we serve and bear our testimonies. The time spent has already required some sacrifice, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

With that being said, I've been studying my scriptures and praying more intently on how to make the most of this experience wherever I go. My studies on having new eyes has been to better understand how this could happen. I was even promised in a recent priesthood blessing I would be able to see others through the Lord's eyes. I wanted it to click and come easier. I wasn't sure why there seemed to be an awkward gap between what I felt and how I wanted to connect with people I met.

After several events of trying to make sense of it all, I have finally started to feel it. During our first parade, I felt so much love for the participants we met beforehand. When the parade began and I sat with Lauren and Heidi at the back of a convertible, I looked into people's faces while smiling and waving as they smiled and waved back. I wanted to meet each person and get to know their story. As we have gone around to the different Daughters of Utah Pioneer events, I have met the cutest ladies who could merely be seen as older women, when in fact their faith, kindness, light-heartedness and acceptance with their position in life and their trials shone through. We've already met children, adults of various ages, and by in all outstanding people. 

Heidi and I were able to meet the most darling group of girls before the South Jordan Summerfest Parade

We also get to meet darling ladies like these wherever we go. Some decide to dress as pioneers to represent their heritage because they love them so much.

Sometimes it seems like our eyes are naturally closed off to what they can see. I'm being reminded (because this truly feels like another mission), that through a lot of effort, prayer, and trying to live in meekness by turning ourselves to the Lord, He can make a lot more of us than we could ever be on our own.

I may still be a person who is not entirely sure what she is doing, but I am coming to love this role more and more. I still feel uncomfortable at times going everywhere in a crown and sash, but it allows me to stretch beyond my comfort zone and go with new eyes to look beyond myself--beyond my own imperfections to help people feel and know how special they are. I love being able to speak about trials my pioneer ancestors have faced, trials my own family has faced while growing up, and how I continually have to overcome hardships from Cystic Fibrosis. I want to prove to them that they too can overcome hard things and be great examples and leaders like my own family members such as my grandparents were, as I share their stories and how they helped me. I love the effort it takes to become closer to God and see what He can make of me. 

This life isn't just about our own journey, but about helping each other out. I think that by refreshing our vision and looking through a new and different lens, we can see a lot grander things than we could on our own. 

When Time Flies

When time flies you find yourself not writing as frequently.
And you find yourself wondering how the year flies by and how the previous months could have been as crazy as they were.
I wish I could say I've stayed sane but the last few months have been filled with EVERY kind of emotion you can imagine--due to some medical scares and relief, finishing up school, and flat out trying to figure out what to do next with my life. It's been terrifying at times and also exciting. Growing up sure brings out every part of you...

To catch up a bit, if you don't mind a lot of info...

Graduation happened! It was one of the most exhilarating and fulfilling experiences of my life. I kept my cap and gown in my closet for a couple years to remind myself that graduation would actually come one day, and it did. I graduated with a Bachelors of Science in Exercise and Wellness with a minor in Family Life. Being able to study about the human body and how to establish healthy family relationships/family lifestyle was one of the greatest blessings. The last seven few years required a lot of work and sacrifice. It also felt remarkable to even be able to graduate given all the health challenges I have faced as my body was beaten down countless times. As the average life expectancy went up from the time I was born, it truly was a miracle to reach this point and fulfill one of my biggest bucket list items. As cheesy as it sounds, I honestly could not have done it without my family, friends, and outstanding, understanding and accommodating professors.

A couple weeks after graduation, I finished the best on-campus job I could have asked for. Being a Wellness Coordinator for BYU's faculty, staff, and their spouses--while putting on events, organizing programs, writing and editing articles for their website, and being a one-on-one fitness coach was very rewarding. I worked with some of the best people who changed my perspective of how an organization should run. I learned a lot from them! To be real, though, it was sure nerve-racking to leave my job without a job lined up. The job hunt has been one of the hardest challenges I've faced, as it's requiring a lot of faith as it's still continuing, but I'm glad to have some direction to get me through for now...

That afternoon when I finished my job, I hurried off to Salt Lake City--bags packed and ready to go for the weekend--for an experience I decided to do last minute. I participated in the Days of 47 pageant several years ago--in fact right after I returned home from my LDS mission in Boston. The pageant was a wonderful experience and I met girls who I am still best friends with to this day. I didn't think I would participate again, though, because life picked up with school, my London study abroad, dating, and getting established with experiences for my career. One of the ladies who helps out with it every year reached out to me and encouraged me to participate again.

I was going to say no--because now was the time for me to get my big girl job as a wellness coordinator somewhere out there and get established in my career. 

And there I found myself in the Days of 47 pageant. To clarify--I do not consider myself a typical pageant girl. I did not want to spend money and time worrying about getting dolled up. I felt too old to be worrying about putting myself on stage for another competition, as my focus turned more towards health coaching and trying to be involved in the business world to help people live healthy lifestyles. Somehow, though, I decided to participate last minute and look at it as "another job interview" because who knew if this would open up networking opportunities and could be a job itself. I remembered the life-changing experience it was several years ago.  I was able to represent another one of my pioneer ancestors--this time Zachariah Wise Derrick--and make more friends with some of the neatest girls. The whole pageant consisted of an interview before the judges so they could get to know who I was--as they asked about questions based off my bio, as I found myself talking about my ancestor, my values, goals, my passion for health and wellness, and a little bit of why I am who I've become during my life--as well as a short speech I prepared, an on-stage question, a musical number with the rest of the girls, and another on-stage question. Surely, I did not prefer to wear as much make up as I was required to, nor have a lot of attention put on me, but I was able to wear a long, sparkly, deep emerald green dress, so that was fine. :) I felt more confident than I did several years ago because I've learned a lot about myself through challenges and trials I faced the last few years. I thought about how much I had grown and hardships I still faced. I made sure that no matter what happened, I would do my best to share my story and who I became while thinking of my great x4 grandfather Zachariah.

The end of the pageant rolled around and I was not sure what would happen from that point. We all stood back in our places on the stands. Soon enough, when the finalists were called, my name was called to be second attendant! I heard some screams and I giddily made my place to the "x" where I was to stand--to then be handed the most beautiful bouquet of roses (the closest thing I have received to 65 roses), to then have a sash placed over me (which I found out was put on the wrong side and everyone was silently freaking out all around me--but I didn't notice or care because I was so happy haha!) and then a tiara placed on my head. All I remember was I couldn't shake the smile off my face and tears started to come. People probably thought they were from the excitement of merely being crowned, but I couldn't help repeating in my head "This was God's plan for me all along! God has a plan for me!" and I could feel myself being led by God's hand right then. I went from being without a job to realizing I would be given a scholarship to help with expenses and had a year ahead with opportunities to serve and feel guided by God's hand. The relief brought tears to my eyes and all the pieces started to finally came together and made sense as to why other efforts I was putting in weren't leading to desired results.

The rest of the night was filled with my mind swirling, a press conference and pictures, embracing the other girls in the pageant, meeting Lauren and Heidi and realizing we were going to spend the year together, and my family and friends who came all the way from Provo running into the room, and feeling showered with love. I was exhausted and also incredibly happy.

(This does not show everyone who came to support me, but it gives you an idea. I did NOT know everyone was there who was--all ranging from my whole family and a good handful of friends! It was such a great surprise!)

Some of the Days of 47 work already kicked into place. I will save all that for another post, but it's been a wonderful experience already. I am excited to work alongside Lauren and Heidi to talk about the pioneers, serve, and bear our testimonies everywhere we go. We have talked many times how much this feels like another mission, as it requires sacrifice and we keep in mind that it's not about us--but about the people we serve while making sure we draw people closer to Christ wherever we go.

We met with last year's royalty to learn tips and what we should take away from our whole experience--which they emphasized is to remember everything we do is to direct people closer to Jesus Christ as we serve.

So far we have met a lot of cute ladies like these right here all over Utah. They are full of optimism, acceptance of life's circumstances, and faith.

Now that I flooded you with all the updates,  I'll be able to write shorter posts that are more focused on thoughts and rambles. I promise.

Stay tuned.

Simply, Rachel Marie