When an illness hits, it hits. And then it usually hits the lungs. I'll wake up in the morning to find it harder to breathe and my lungs crackling.
Some coughs jolt my entire body and take a lot of energy.
Some treatments seem graphic, as there is a fight to bring up the gunk as my airways rattle and screech, to then end up in coughing fits as my lungs sting and ache, exhausted, already wanting to go back to bed.
It's a real struggle at times.
But despite all this...
Something I've realized even more the past couple months is I am not my illness. I am not my struggles.
I am Rachel Roy. I am someone who loves to spend quality time with the ones she loves, who does her best at what she does in every aspect of life.
I am more than just a mucus machine.
I had to remind myself this as I walked through campus the other day. It's difficult at times being so ill I am unable to attend social events because I love being with people. It's difficult to hold myself back at times and feel like I am missing out. The other day while walking through campus, I noticed couples left and right holding hands and nestled against each other and I found myself beginning to think, "Who would ever want to be with a mucus machine...to be beside someone who ends up in a coughing fit, hauling over in a real fight to keep her airways clear?"
But then I reminded myself, I am more than a "mucus machine," and sickness is temporary. I am still pretty, even during the times when I don't feel like it. I am still smart and capable, with all of my strengths and characteristics.
People may see my strongest characteristic to be a fighter, someone who is disciplined, strong, brave...
I am touched to be identified by these qualities, but I have come to realize even more that they are not my identity. CF has sure influenced who I have become, but I am even more. I am a daughter, sister, friend, someone who wants to work hard and keeps making dumb mistakes but keeps trying. I am someone who wants to make the world a little better through what I can give. I am who my Heavenly Father sees me as, and that's what matters the most.
Trials and hardships are only temporary. That's a reason we have the Plan of Happiness--to help us see how this earth life is temporary and our hardships won't last forever. Our lives extend way beyond this life, so we bring with us who we are with what we can give.
Isn't that a beautiful assurance?
So think about who you really are. A big influence for who you are may have come from your struggles, but remember you are still much more. Don't let others define your identity. Know you are not your struggles or your weaknesses. You are not what you've been through. Know you are even more than what you've become from your experiences. You are bright, capable, and an individual who can bring so much good. You are who He sees, and that's what matters.
